Today I Failed

Today has not been an easy day as a Mom. Today I think I failed at motherhood. My sweet little Bruce fell off his slide. I was able catch him mid fall but he still hit his head on the wall. He has a knot on his forehead and the start of a bruise. Luckily we live really close to their Doctor's office, so we packed them in the stroller and ran to have him checked out. The Doctor said he looked fine and was acting normal but to keep an eye on him. When we put him down to bed we have to wake him up every 2 hours.

They want us to watch for any:

• Vomiting
• Disorientation
• Abnormal fussiness or crying
• Excessive sleepiness/abnormally lethargic
• Not able to wake up

Since it happened he has acted totally normal, you wouldn't even know he had hurt himself unless you look at his forehead.  I can tell my Husband all day long that it was an accident and not a big deal, but that doesn't change how terrible I feel. It of course was an accident and I know that as an active little boy he is going to get hurt, but just because I say the words does not mean that I believe them. All I can feel right now is sadness and guilt because my baby was hurt on my watch. And this is not the first time.

A few months back he tripped and hit his little eye on a toy and it gave him a black eye. I freaked, called the advice nurse and took him in the next day. Again , the Doctor said he was fine and it was just a nasty bruise. I got over that because it had only happened once, but now this accident makes two times my poor baby was hurt when I was watching him. I am just so lucky I was right here because he could have been really badly hurt. They do not think he has a concussion but want us to watch him just in case. I don't know how to stop feeling like a total failure as Mom. My job is to provide for them and keep then safe, and I let my baby hit his head. How is that not failing?

I know in my head that I am being hard on myself, but it's hard not to be. Those babies are my whole world, and I cannot even imagine what I would do if something serious happened to either of them. But I guess this is just what being a Mom is really like.


Note: The child in the title image is not my son, that is a stock photo to symbolize how we felt when he fell. 

Share on Google Plus

About Amara Franklin

If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times... I LOVE MY LIFE. I have a great husband and the best little baby dudes in the world! I have found that raising twins is not so different than a singleton, just a little bit louder (and a lot more fun!). I look forward to going through this journey together... SUPER MOMS UNITE!